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Falling For the Second Time |
by Elaheh Steinke
To Elmira who always believed in Love and survived. Thanks to Mary who believed in words.
1
'Are you an amateur? Cuz if you are I won't kiss you.'
'You're not gonna kiss me, I'M going to kiss you.' And he got his face closer to kiss her but as his lips touched hers he froze.
Lia could smell him. He smelled like no one else. No one else but himself. She put her hand on his chest and kissed his lips. It took Jesse seconds to be able to kiss back but he eventually did. He was being more careful than Lia. Lia stopped and smiled. He could taste his own lips on her lips.
'It was your first time. Wasn't it?' Said her, softly placing her head into Jesse's neck.
Jesse approved it with his silence.
'Your turn!' Said Lia.
2
'When are you leaving?' Lia asked, waking up from an hour sleep.
'I should've been there by now.'
'I wouldn't have minded if you had taken off.'
Jesse looked at her, crept up a little bit and kissed her on the neck. 'Yes, you would.' He said.
'Open the curtain Lia!' Said Jesse. He was standing at the bathroom curtain, hearing Lia's struggle with throwing up the lunch he had gotten from the Mercure Hotel Restaurant.
She unlocked the curtain and threw herself in his arms: 'I feel bad.'
'Come let's go to the sunshine floor.'
'I hate that room. It's so hot in there.'
'It will cheer you up.'
'I'm not depressed dumb-ass!' She tried to free herself from his arms. But he knew she needed some light. It was three months the sun hadn't shown up in the gray sky. The sunshine floor was always full of people for the past 3 or 4 weeks. If people was going to keep using the sunlight on and on, they would run out of light for the rest of the light-year.
'Do you want me to call for your doctor?' He kept his arms around her.
'Was it a milk sandwich?' Asked her not caring.
'I guess!'
'I haven't eaten milk sandwich in years.'
'I didn't know! Besides I saw you eating chocolate yesterday.' He led her to the bed.
'It was Soy-Chocolate.'
'I'm sorry baby.' He couldn't see her like that.
'It's ok.' She said. 'I should've told you.'
'Wish I could remember the past.'
'It's okay. Come here.' Said Lia and pulled him close.
3
Past. 'What a word!' Jesse thought. He had lived for light-years but had never thought a word could ever be this. He couldn't find a word. Vital! Yes vital. He was 210 light-years younger than Lia but it felt like he knew her for ever. Maybe he did know her before.
The first night was sure not the first time: Lia was being wild, biting, fighting and hitting. Jesse had not had sex with a girl before. Not even a guy. But he easily nailed her to bed by holding her hands tight and eventually tamed her. She began to do it right after that. It was like she was expecting him to do that. Jesse was totally confused but it felt good so it didn't matter. Even the war and the danger of his job and the unexpected orders didn't matter.
'I waited for a long time.' She said when the fire was put out.
'I know.' But he didn't know.
Yes, he didn't know that she had been waiting for more than his life, more than he could even imagine. Because imagining needs experience. Even if there's enough mind and passion one can't imagine in the best way without experience.
Some days later, after having a long walk at Pacifia Beach Jesse asked something Lia was expecting him to ask:
'What's it like to live this long?' Jesse asked, putting his left hand on her cheek.
'I wasn't living, not until I met you.' She faked a smile.
'You knew me before I knew you.'
'Come on! What are you talking about?' She was blinking. 'A sign of lying!' Jesse thought.
'I keep having this dreams, you know?' He was frowning.
'Don't frown honey. It will.'
'Answer me!' He was obviously yelling at her. 'How did you know me when I had never know you?'
She stepped back, then reached for his hands and they both sat on the cool sands. The sun was losing its meaning to them as they hadn't had it for so long.
Lia stared at his eyes, scanned his face and stopped on his lips. He was irritated. The thoughts were hurting him. And he couldn't find the answers anywhere but in her head.
'You died 375 light-years ago.' She paused, waiting for a reaction but Jesse wasn't surprised with the information. Yes he already knew it. He had seen himself dying again and again in his dreams, then coming to life, finding himself living with a girl with no face and Lia's voice. First they were like nightmares but a nightmare will no longer be a nightmare if you see it, hear it, and feel it when you aren't asleep. They started to become parts of memories he once might have had.
'I just... Jesse I never wanted to show up in your way of living... I just... It's hard to lose...' She couldn't finish her already incomprehensive words. Jesse held her on his hands and took her home. They never slept that night. They kissed and held each other for hours and finally she was ready to talk.
4
They had grown up in a same universe. On the same planet. But never met until Jesse's birthday. Jesse has been in a drinking house, lying on a relief-floor drinking milk. Lia had walked in with her shaved head, long legs and bizarre rings. They had talked and become friends. They had applied for flying-for-the earth organization at the age of 19 hundred and decided to live together before knowing they were in love or any complicated feeling like that.
Lia never knew she was afraid of heights until the first day of practical training and that placed her on the couch, all depressed and failed at the only thing she had thought she was good at. But at that very night Jesse had admitted that she had mastered the whole sex thing after they had finally got into it.
The war between Pacifia and Nartica was announced and began shortly after Jesse's promotion to P7. Nartica was acting against human rights in the universe. They had been terrorizing the balance between the Germ and Energy in the universe causing the spirit of the residents to disappear in time and place. For billions of years human beings dreamed of living forever by living again after dying and they had called it reincarnation. But reincarnation wasn't a part of the universe's plan. When they first balanced the energy of the universe by isolating the whole waste of energy and used it as an input to the universe, the idea made sense to the universe and eventually people began to re-live.
Nartics believed that living forever unless getting killed by another person was fair enough to the humans, but it really wasn't fair. So Jesse took his time to find the appropriate words to convince Lia to let him go to the war. But he never was a good speech-giver and after a huge fight, Lia had disappeared for a while to get over the idea.
It was the day before his mission when she had shown up and had crawled into his arms. Lia had asked him for the last time, to stay and he had answered: "If I don't go, I'll never get the chance to live with you in peace and forever." And she had cried and slept with him. And of course it was the last time, before the falling.
The Pacifia won the war and the universe was at peace again but Lia wasn't.
5
'I've been waiting for like ever.' She wept.
'I've been longing to find a reason to stay... but I don't find any. Just let me finish Lia.' He put his fingers on her lips but it looked a bit harsh so he leaned forward and kissed her. 'Every day when I wake up and see your face sleeping at total peace I just come to this conclusion that I have to pay this price to just be with you. To be with you again and forever.'
That last sentence just made Lia cry harder. And Watching Lia cry that helplessly made Jesse cry.
6
'I won't be able to make you fall in love with me again.' Said Lia into her tele-mic. She could hear the lunar engines roaring through her tele-ears. She was at home with her kitty which Jesse had bought her last night. She had never had one before because they always seemed so strange to her. They were the only animals in the whole universe. She knew that forever ago there used to be thousands of animals on earth and she couldn't imagine how they looked or smelled, because this one smelled strange enough. She had called it Aaron, Jesse's name before he had died.
'But you've already done it once!' Jesse brought her back to the real world.
'Don't go.'
'You can wish me luck instead.'
'There are always wars and battles.' She took the last chance to convince him, but she knew it was too late because he was already in the border station.
'That's not true. We never fought with each other.' He looked down and saw the whole universe beneath. He had never been so proud.
7
'Lunar sheets in place.' Buzzed the flight manager into Jesse's tele-ears.
'Lunar sheets activated.' Said Jesse into his tele-mic.
'Air-box full.'
'Ready to take off.' Buzzed Jesse while putting his finger on the rayed-screen. Adrenalin was not rushing through his body this time. He was as cool as ice, which he had never seen in his whole life. There was ice on earth some time. But not in his time. Synthetic ice was bad for the atmosphere so people had never had that either.
'I'm flying Lia. Wait for me.' He shouted, being sure that no one could hear him.
8
Jesse got back one sunny day, safe and sound. Without even a scratch on his body.
First day at war was extraordinarily easy. When the first attack began and he survived, he called it a miracle. When the second one happened he almost died of fear and excitement because of both the gigantic war and weird space-crafts, and his skills which they hadn't taught him in the flying courses. When he survived the third battle, he was sure they he'd make it to the end and of course get to return to the warmth of his long time due love.
9
He wanted to surprise Lia so he didn't call. But he still wondered why she hadn't called him during the time he was away.
He stepped in. The familiar smell was gone. He looked around. Her voice was gone. He could feel it. And there she was. One the floor, motionless, not breathing. And the kitty was wandering around, sniffing her body which was cold now.
10
She couldn't have been dead naturally. No one could die naturally.
He remembered. He had seen this before. Lia had done it before. In the previous life. He had lost her once. And now again. She had killed herself. She had lied to him. About waiting. He felt desperate.
He stepped forward. A note was lying beside her. He picked it up.
'Dear Aaron. I've never been happier than I've been these past days. But now you're gone. And I've done it once. I had to do it again. I want to come back again. But with no memory of the past. Just like you. Wait for me. Then come find me.'
11
There's something about the future that is also true about the past. They both can't be changed.
If you try to change the future, you'll just get hit by your past which has already made your future, your life ahead you. And that's the irony.
Elaheh Steinke is a 21-year-old Genetics student at Tehran University, Iran. Steinke teaches English at Maryam Language Institute in Tehran, is the lyricist for a local band and is an aspiring novelist and short story writer.
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